I sit now in the living room with a book on math pedagogy next to me. I teach full time, and I wish to get better at it. Despite having an extensive education on 'how to teach,' for some reason each time I start a new position it feels like I am starting over and all theory and research findings go out the window. It's just teaching right? Just do it. Tell them what the do and they will learn to problem-solve. Not the case. Nor is that fun. Learning should be fun, but I am learning no matter the location of learning it can and should also be strategic.
Growing up my father and mother were strategic. They gave me opportunities to see how I would thrive in them. They were quiet about politics and other worldly distractions that could be deemed unhealthy or just not worth the time. They were strong silent workers. And consistent. They led by example all the time. They created circles of influence that benefited me and my siblings. Sure, these things can happen naturally...and I have experienced firsthand how life unfolds and aligns if you are just morally true and completely yourself. It is a real "God's hand" kind of situation to me. However, sometimes the alignment needs a nudge and I feel like you have to contribute to the force itself. You can't just wait for the wind to come you have to find it and fill the sails a little. So I am trying to do that for my job. I am also sick and tired of waiting for the muse to strike for this side project.
I am 36 years old. I am old now. My imagination has been running wild for decades imagining all the musical projects I could finish and be loved for. They have not happened. And that is fine. It is no longer important to me to seek some romantic vision of fame or popularity for art. It seems to be misguided, misplaced, and fruitless. But what I have been thinking about and caring about a lot is legacy. This is something we have power over. How do we leave impact on others? How do we leave a record of worth and work? How do we contribute a little to society at large to leave a better place when we die and leave something for our children to be proud of? My father and mother are still doing that actively whether they know it or not. I have only started to see this over the last 6 years. Now that I am old.
I have had a musical project idea swirling around my mind for awhile. Fossil Trails. Like my other creations this one will be based on and inspired by a few books I have read. One called On Trails. It discusses trails and paths throughout history and amongst different animals; how they are created, how they are used, how us as humans have used them for good and evil, how some animals spend their entire lives moving mere inches and are now fossilized in the layers of prehistoric sediment under our feet.
What an existence. You live. You move. You die.
We are humans. We live. We walk. We die.
I want to explore the act of walking. Deciding to move and when to do it; getting out of a period of inactivity and rut. Choosing your direction; where do you go? Do you even know where you are? How your walk can impact others; who do you meet? What do they see in you? What could they see in you if you changed a little? Can it be manifested or is it just biprodcut of culture and environment? Then finally, using the walk to leave legacy and lasting impact.
This is "Fossil Trails". I am excited for it. In the meantime, perhaps this inconsistent blog will help document the progress made on it. I need this project. If I am to truly commit fulltime to teaching and completely own it; then I am going to be giving up my time and my reading to getting better at giving to others everyday; my students and my colleagues. Therefore, I will need an outlet where I can give unto myself with the gifts I've been given. That shall be this set of musical albums. And it will be immensely satisfying when they are complete.
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